i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize