Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Drake has all the answers
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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