apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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