i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
