He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
