so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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