i would punch a child for taco bell
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
