Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize