He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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