I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
