Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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