They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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