Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
