Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
