I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize