thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
