Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
