i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
my being single is dangerous.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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