How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
