you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
