Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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