peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
