So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
