DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
