The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
