Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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