I think im going to throw up on grandma
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
