I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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