on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
