thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize