and i looked up. we had an audience...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
