I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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