You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
