Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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