i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my liver is dry heaving
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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