Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
