I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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