Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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