So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
