put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I seem to have left my pride at pride
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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