Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
