Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
