Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
