I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
ttyl tear gas
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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