Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
