omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
