i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
