wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
