absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
