Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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