who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
