told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
