i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
