She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize