Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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