Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize