I accidentally burped into my bong.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
