So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
FUCK WHALES
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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