Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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