hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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