he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize