I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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