I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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