And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
