He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
